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my ass is heavy

In the interest of science and my own curiosity, you certainly may.” Obama looked over at the Secretary General. “Mr. Secretary, I have a very interesting story to share with you all, if I may address the Council. I'm sure a lot of you've wanted to hear it.”

[6:18 AM]

The elderly South Korean nodded. President Obama stood up in his seat and crossed around the table to stand beside Morgan. “My little story begins at Roswell in 1947.” “Amusing,” Medvedev murmured. Obama fixed his gaze on the Russian president briefly. “The official story has been that we recovered debris from an experimental aircraft. That kicked off the UFO craze and people have been trying to find out the truth about what we found ever since. The truth is, we didn't find the remains of a UFO. But the objects in question were extraterrestrial. Seven perfectly cut diamonds of various colors.” He made a fist and held it in the air. “About this size. We call them Chaos Emeralds because ever since we found them, there were UFO sightings all over, sightings that had no basis.” “Your military however said that these UFOs did not exist,” David Cameron interjected. “Yet now you've sprung upon us the fact that you've found space diamonds. I'd say that they have a lot of basis now.” Obama chuckled again. “I'm speaking the plain and honest truth, David. We found nothing physical in the air, but there was something. The Air Force figured that they were optical illusions being created by these gems. They were originally called emeralds by the way, because they were green when they were found.” “And the military was picking at them ever since,” Morgan cocked his head. “They exhausted their capabilities for research, didn't they?”

[6:18 AM]

“And their budget. I'm sorry to say that my predecessor's squandering of Mr. Clinton's surplus in the Middle East was the main cause of that.” Obama replied coolly. Morgan swore lightly under his breath, shaking his head. “The man was scouring for oil while he had the key to infinite power locked away in Nevada.” Obama patted Morgan's shoulder. “I'm glad I made the right decision to send them to CERN. This has to be the most monumental scientific discovery since the bomb.” Morgan could see that Obama was getting visibly excited, with his smile widening. He made a fist and smacked into the open palm of his other hand. “Do you understand what this means? This is a major opportunity for multi-discipline investment. It could trigger a global economic stimulus.” The Russian ambassador harshly laughed. “And where would we get the capital in order to make these investments? In fact, how do you plan to fit this into the budget? Your Republican opposition says your administration is overspending as it is.”

[6:18 AM]

“I intend to meet with several reputable investors in order to provoke interest in investment. In fact,” Obama looked over at one of the interns that accompanied him. “Blaine, please see to it that the following people are brought to the White House by the time that I get back to Washington.”

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